I WAS AFRAID! AND I AM AFRAID!

I was and I am afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid of dark and I am afraid of heights, I was afraid of speaking in public and I am afraid of fake people…fake friends. Yeah! I’m afraid of you and Situations…real life situations, they really expose you-the fictitious. Sometimes it’s better to get down in life to find out who really is there for you. People! They are very good at faking well. The ones you love the most are mostly the ones that want you to fail and I am not making it up… I am just trying to get it off my chest because I can’t keep it to myself anymore. Because just today, I felt a thousand pounds of stress on my chest when I found myself in a situation that made me realize that I don’t have many friends…in actual fact none, but I just can’t sugarcoat those feelings so I am writing them down here as it is. The realization that people riding with you doesn’t mean they are riding for you made me even more dejected. People will sit with you, walk with you, eat with you, they will crack jokes on you to entertain themselves and others but they will never ever be there for you when you need them.

And Loyalty…everyone speaks of it, but it doesn’t depend on ones’ presence, it’s more about how people act behind your back. Most of us fight for people who wouldn’t even throw a punch for us and yet we call them #FRIENDS. These are people who bring gossips to us about us but our name…they will never defend, we are on their menu if we are not sitting on the table with them and honestly speaking I have many such questionable friends in my circle. I realized that not everyone on the boat is rowing but some might be drilling holes in it and as time goes, their envy grows. Those who are in our circle today, I’m sure they will never be there for us in the corner tomorrow. So let’s shrink our circle, because sometimes to add to your life is not add to it, but to subtract. It’s not about the size of the circle that matters, but the loyalty that’s in it. The more we do better, the more the love and support of such friends will get distant. Their happy faces will go missing. Everybody’s prayers for us aren’t to make it, some just pray that we don’t. To most we are just an opportunity and they will just use it. They present what we want just to take what they need. And when they can no longer benefit from us, well hah! That’s the time their loyalty leaves. The people I thought were friends are actually the ones who dislike me the most.

In the end a note to myself from myself…

Surround yourself with those who are happy when you succeed, who push you to go and get what you want because mindsets are contagious.

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One thought on “I WAS AFRAID! AND I AM AFRAID!

  1. The people around you are a reflection of who you are inside. If you are feeling judged, look inside yourself and make peace with what you find..then the perception of your outside world will dramatically change and you will not feel hurt by expectations as your wounds are already healed. It is a long and deep process but it is the only authentic way. I wish you well!

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